i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
