whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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