And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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