you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
