I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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