I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize