Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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