john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I would ride that face into the sunset
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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