Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
