you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
