Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
