Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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