I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
