sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
