You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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