Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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