Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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