I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
