Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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