He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
