I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My vagina is officially offended.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
