Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
