I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
