i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
