I showed him my bush... on skype.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
