And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize