...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
