I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
