If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
