Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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