We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
