took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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