Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
