I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
