Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize