so explain again why im purple
no
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
