i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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