omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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