My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize