alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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