oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
