He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
