so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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