I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I forget how to act sober
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
