OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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