I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
