I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize