Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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