I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
