hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
3pm strippers are depressing
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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