It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we made out on top of his cat.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it's great music for shaving your balls
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize