I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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