I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
