What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
