i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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