you mean i was at the winter classic?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
