I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
