no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
