just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
