Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
