I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
