You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
