are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
