she woke up with a sticky ear
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
