Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
