Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
