How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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