There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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