You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize