im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
