So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
