Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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