I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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