I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
