Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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