so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
