Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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