***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
