she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I checked into jail on foursquare
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
