We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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