Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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