How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
