did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
