thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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