haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
