worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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