I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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