All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
