i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
