You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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