Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
