i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
