I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
