so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
