I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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