my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
