he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
