Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
