So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
