I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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