i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
