My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
