words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
