We're facebook friends in real life
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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