do herpes really smell.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
