Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
