I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
