Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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