i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
