i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
