I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize