I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My penis needs a shock collar
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
God, I missed his penis.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
