so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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