There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
