hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
