East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
