I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
did you just send me my own nude
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
