He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize