If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize