if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
we should paint friendship bongs
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
