I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
